This is a sampling of songs written between 1998 and 2011.  One or two might find their way onto a CD in the future, or get recorded without polish as a record of how they sound.  Not every song’s a masterpiece, but it’s nice to look back to see how my songwriting has progressed over the years.  It’s important to honour the journey, rough patches and all.

A couple of these songs will appear on my next CD, Relinquish, and several more are grouped together in my mind, waiting for the day I might make a sister recording to Snips and Snails about the women in my life over the years, called Sugar and Spice.

Putting this section together has pointed out to me just how little writing I did before discovering 50/90 and FAWM, and how little I do write throughout the year outside of those challenges.  The respite is welcomed, so very few songs may ever be housed here.  Posting them somewhere gives me the feeling that I can move on, since every song I write demands to be acknowledged, so finding some closure without having to hit the record button is a blessing.

Written + composed January 5, 2011

Chorus:
Floating
Floating
If I could let go
Of this string

Owl above me
In the apple tree
Asleep in the sun
Rabbit at my feet
With the fear in her eyes
Ready to run

Chorus

Raven perspective
Calling out to the world
Wings on the wind
Sturgeon descending
To the bed of the sea
Bony and finned

Chorus

When the crescent moon
Winks out of the sunset
Fly

When the crescent moon
Peeks out of the sunrise
Sigh

Chorus

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Written + composed May 25, 2009

I wear the black wool
And she wears the white
I love the darkness
And she loves the light
I swim the depths
And she soars the heights
I grow in sorrow
She in delight

I am the outsider
She is the craved
I broach the argument
She’s well-behaved
I am the lost one
And she is the saved
I am the cowardly
She is the brave

Chorus:
Or so it might seem to the untrained eye
Divisions and borders, side versus side
There’s more to a girl than a black-and-white mind
When grief is a blessing and loving is blind

She is the mother
And I am the maid
She works for nothing
And I still get paid
She did the right thing
And I disobeyed
She has an anchor
I am afraid

She grows the vegetable
I grow the flower
She tastes the sweet life
And I taste the sour
She is the gracious
And I am the dour
She loves the sunshine
I love the shower

Chorus

I’m more than the shadow
She’s more than the shine
There’s more to believing
Than drawing a line
The stitches that bind us
Are hard to define
I shade in her tapestry
She brightens mine

But it’s in the grey light
That we spend our time
When I see epiphany
She sees the grime
When she hides her sorrow
I think it’s a crime
So at dusk and dawn
We seek the sublime

Chorus

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Written + composed May 22, 2009

In a nose dive falling off a pier
I just didn’t think I’d be walking here
When the sun burst this morning
I misread the skies
And I fell head first into your lies

Chorus:
You built a dissonant swell
Out of an armoured shell
Kiss down the door with a serpent’s tongue
Claw your ascent rung after rung    
If it’s not tears that blind you
Let me cry for you
When I cry let me cry for you

In a sea-storm tossing on a wave
I’m drowning in children I cannot save
If lightning should strike me
And singe up my pride
Would I be washing in on the tide

Chorus

In a meadow under open skies
I’m learning to taste like a butterfly
For refusing to grow
You are sentenced to loss
And I won't be used to carry your cross

Chorus

If it’s not tears that blind you
Let me cry for you
When I cry let me cry for you
When I cry let me cry for you      
When I cry let me cry for you, too

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Written + composed February 25, 2007

On the ebb of the tide
With my feet on the shore     
I’ve been chasing this wave
For ten years or more
And little by little the sea took it back
And more and more I’ve felt its lack

And I cannot remember
When tide became ebb
The meticulous strands         
Of this spider’s web
Now spiral-bound and interlocked
Of whispered dreams now bound and docked

Chorus:
In a moment we’re born
In another we die
As the waves come rolling in
And life will transcend us      
As we transcend life
And down through the ages we spin

On cold moonlit nights
Does the river she dream
Of the days in her youth
When she ran as a stream      
And bubbled up at a sunlit glance
Or swelled beneath a raindrop dance?

Can the bright noonday sun
Roll back to the dawn?
Or the pale moon continue waxing on?
Can a mother retreat to her own childhood?
Would she turn back the clock if she knew she could?

Chorus

Now my season of spring
Has grown to a close
And the time has now come
To trade tulip for rose
To embrace the white light of the summer sunshine
And rejoice in the wisdom that this time is mine

Chorus x2

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Written + composed June 22, 2006

The rain sheets falling
It just keeps coming
The rain keeps pouring down

Well, it started like a mist and it wrapped around
And I thought it would disperse when the sun came out
But the drops stared falling with a rumble in the air
And the wind was arising and blowing through my hair

Well, I thought if I bound myself to a tree
That the leaves and the branches would all protect me
But the storm was a-coming, there was no escape
And I knew in my heart that I’d made a mistake

Well, I ran from the wood to the open plain
To an old stone circle in the pouring rain
And I called to the storm to come wash me to the bone
Then a voice on the wind said, Now begin alone

Well, I looked within and saw an overcrowded place
It was hard to determine what I had to replace
‘Cause I’d held onto the shards of the broken spheres
I was really cluttered up after all those years

Well, I made a seed that I planted in the ground
And the tree that’ll grow was one that couldn’t be found
Though the storm is a-passing, it hasn’t passed yet
And the rain’s a reminder to never forget

The rain sheets falling
It just keeps coming
The rain keeps pouring down

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Written + composed June 22, 2005

This is the wondrous story of a trillium and a voice
Of the winds that blew and caused them to unite
The trillium slowly, silently and steadily he grew
As a voice came and sang to him each night

And in his dreams he thought he saw a girl of shining light
More radiant than the sun to him she shined
Her eyes were full of laughter and she had a generous soul
And when he woke her image filled his mind

And always he was haunted by the memory of her face
And the voice that came and sang to him unbound
He longed to reach beyond himself to touch her skybound form
To leave his body rooted in the ground

Yet one night as he slept he was ‘wakened by a storm
An icy wind that scarred and burned the land
Then riding through the darkness came the golden voice he loved
Singing, come with me – and took him by the hand

Then all at once he saw her and his heart was full of love
Hers was the voice who sang to him each night
His spirit rose to meet her, there was laughter in the air
And the two again united there took flight

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Written + composed January 1, 2005

I can remember a thousand yesterdays
Family vacations and camping holidays
Dinner together and church on Sunday
Saying goodnight at the end of the day

I had a curfew but so much outdoor playtime
It didn’t matter what was happening on Prime Time
The games we played they didn’t plug into a wall
And ‘Let’s go out, kids’ didn’t mean a trip to the mall

Chorus:
Willingly this crazy world has traded in
The power of the word for imagery
Truth for forgery, thought for mimicry
Under the spell of packaged therapy
Talk-show ministry, pop-star misery
Looking to buy love
Books for dummies line the shelf
Eighty ways to please yourself
Chicken soup to feed the soul
Pour it in to fill the hole

Now if I tried I could remember every stain
Picture them perfectly and drive myself insane
And I could choose to be a stagnant little pool
But I have chosen not to live my life as a fool

So in my memory my heart remembers love
Ears hear the laughter and singing voices rise above
And through the veil of time my eyes remember light
As all the little hurts are melting from my sight

Chorus

And here’s a kid’s advice to parents young and old
A home is not simply four walls that keep out the cold
And light and love will not just show up at your door
You need to call them in: a home requires more

Chorus

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Written + composed September 1, 2004

Now since I was a young girl I have had the power
The wisdom to allow a bud to flower
And even as a young girl I possessed the sight
The vision to bring truthfulness to light
And in that narrow beam
We are really as we seem
And there brightness casts a shadow just as dark

Chorus:
I’ve never been a parent and I may never be
And never having birthed a child from me
There are lessons I won’t learn
There is blood I won’t pass on
But I have come to understand
By watching them in your hands
That children pick and choose their leaders young

Now sadly I have witnessed some gross atrocities
And children live in terror no one sees
The parents blame the teacher and she blames mom and dad
And everyone gets angry listing problems they have had
And hearing every word
Sits the child that no one’s heard
As a used toy lies forgotten on the shelf

Chorus

Now I have grown so tired at the end of all my years
Of listening to children share their fears
And being told by parents I don’t know what it’s like
To have a child and with him share my life
Well I have helped to raise             
Many hundreds in my day
And surely that must count for something too

Chorus

No I've never been a parent and I may never be
But I have come to understand
By watching them in your hands
That children pick and choose their leaders young

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Written + composed July 26, 2004

She poses for pictures, a well-practiced smile
A pool without ripples concealing a song
Her lavender flowers perfume the air ‘round her
And in the blink of an eye she’s gone

Chorus:
She had love in her heart and a smile on her lips
As she cradled a son in her arms
And nothing could reach her when he passed on alone
But maybe a granddaughter’s charms

And as she grew older the cracks they would show
As shadows pushed silently in on her space
Too faithful to break as she carried her load
Her pain etching lines in her face

Chorus

Her history’s a story of love gone astray
A long white road lying dusty and still
To a dark tower kept on a vast empty plain
Where she watches from her window sill

Chorus

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Written + composed June 2, 2003

Since you were born your path’s been made clear
It’s easy to follow, it runs straight from here
All of your leaders are stepping aside
They trust you to walk with a dignified stride

This is the moment to face up to chance
This is your triumph, this is your last dance       
And as they are waving, demanding your pledge
Your heart begins racing, you stand on the edge

And over, and over, you’ve waited for this time
Now you’re here, it isn’t clear
You wonder, is it time?

Chorus:
And all your hopes and all your fears
Will make you stronger than your tears
And all you see and all you hear
Will make you wiser than your years
So if you want to then run
Don’t be worried about the fall
Keep love in your heart and an open mind
And life will be sweet

I’m sure that at times you’ve been misunderstood
By someone who said, “My intentions are good
“It’s just that you’re young and you don’t understand
“You’d better stick by me, take hold of my hand”

But don’t let them rob you of your dignity
Stay true to yourself and you will be set free
No one can know you as well as you do
So shed that old skin and start something new

And over, and over, you’ve waited for this time
Now you’re here, it isn’t clear
You wonder, is it time?

Chorus

No one can stop you from bending the road
It’s your life to live, you can carry the load
Don’t burn your bridges, but cross them alone
It’s you in the mirror, it’s you on your own

And now as you go take just a few things:
Respect for this planet and all that she brings
Respect for the creatures you’ll meet on your way
Respect for yourself as you face each new day

And over, and over, you’ve waited for this time
Now you’re here, it isn’t clear
You wonder, is it time?

Chorus

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Written + composed March 1, 2003

Let me begin with words
They’ve always made sense to me
But if you choose to ignore them
I have other tools in my arsenal

Chorus:
It’s difficult to shine when you cloak yourself in accolades
It’s difficult to cry and not be seen
It’s harder to be wrong when you’re desperate to hide it
The righteous road is harder to walk
When you’re sitting in the shade drinking someone else’s lemonade

If you’ll let me continue
It’s unfair to snakes to compare you
You were so clear to me
From the moment you bumped into me

Pardon me for showing you a mirror
Can you see all the harm that you’ve caused?
The image you present is false
And the pledge of your allegiance is empty

Chorus

And just to finish the thought here
Don’t be concerned
Not all eyes are staring in your direction
And that’s my point

Pardon me
Pardon me

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Written + composed May 1, 2002

I have no desire
To build a funeral pyre
And stand here on the edge of what I have been
One moment brightly shines
Beyond its space and time
That in silence we may recognize the truth

Chorus:
These tiny crystal drops in time
It’s these that I can share with you    
In silence and in laughter be the same
And each moment I will choose to walk alongside you
Because truly I have found no greater friend

My soul’s been shaped by rain
My heart has dwelt in pain
The clouds have blocked the sunshine from my skin
But all of this you know
This healing can be slow
Yet in patience we have taught each other well

Chorus

I often longed alone to be understood
Thought I’d fall apart until someone would
The day I finally learned to be on my own
In you came like someone I’d always known

Chorus x2

Truly I have found no greater friend

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Written + composed March 13, 2000

A little girl grew up with princess dreams, kissing frogs
Witches were bad but boys were alright
Poor girls could make it if only they married well
And honour meant taking a virgin to bed
What could be better than living with royalty?
What could be better than wearing a crown?

With her face painted she made the acquaintance
Of a man who promised she’d never be cold
She toyed with the notion that she could be happy
With a man she’d never let in very far
What could be sweeter than letting him love her?
What could be sweeter than knowing she’s safe?

Chorus:
She’s hearing whispers on the wind
Not sure of their origin
Her faith in her choices is ebbing away
She’s losing her grip
On the rock she’s been clinging to
Can’t see the point in trying to stay

Grabbing her freedom she grips it so tightly
There’s nothing to offer to make her let go
Everything sacrificed bought her one diamond
And on it she’s betting her spark and her soul
What do you hope to find trying on those dresses?
What do you hope to find under those tongues?

Chorus

It’s not that I don’t understand what you’re fighting for
It’s not that I think that you don’t have the right
It’s just that when you’re in the calm of your own storm
You tend to forget that you’re wielding a knife

I think that beneath that adventurous spirit
Your heart just like mine is still made of glass
He got you so hot that he started to change your shape
And that’s why you’re running to keep up your mask
What happens now as you run out of gasoline?
What happens now as you run out of blood?

Chorus x2

And I can’t see the point in running away
Still she can’t see the point in trying to stay

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Written + composed May 1999

I walked or did I fly?
I ran or did I try?
I fell in love with my ideology
I thought I’d finally nailed your pattern down
I practiced my reverse psychology
And I ended up in a cloud

Chorus:
And your power was ripping the spirit from me
And your fire was feeding the weakness in me
And the blinding light is drawing my soul to the sea
Where I stand and I laugh with the sound of the sea
And I’m free
And I see
Where I’m free
And it’s here I know that I am home

I felt the water rushing on
I heard your breath singing my song
And for the first time in so many years
I am not craving you
I’m not afraid to be crying my tears
They are no longer for you

Chorus

Wave after wave of this clarity
How could I cherish those chains?
Hold all my calls
I’ll be climbin’ that apple tree
Feels good to take back the reins

Chorus

Yes it’s here I know that I am home
And it’s here I know that I am home

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Written + composed April 1999

Once in a dream-world
I gave you my mirror
I told you to keep it away from me
‘Cause if I could see it       
I’d see how pale I’d become
And I’d see those eyes dying to fly

Chorus:
And I’m walkin’ and I
Don’t know where I’m goin’ to
But I will beat my own path
And I don’t know where
I don’t know when
I don’t know how
I don’t know why
But I am gonna fly

Somewhere beside me
There is a leader
And hundreds of people await his words
But I have my own mouth
He’s reading clumsily from his text
And over his head they wanna fly

Chorus

There in a meadow
Beside a stream unchanged in its course
I found a creature older than me
I drink from his wisdom
I sit and shelter there in his arms
And I feel those eyes watchin’ me cry

Chorus

Sit here beside me
Open your mind to accept stranger thoughts
You live in your greenhouse out of the flow
You cultivate sadness
Your heart is heavy with misunderstanding
Don’t be afraid to wanna fly

Chorus

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Written + composed August 1998

I’ve known you forever
You could have called us friends
You dazzled my eyes with your repetitive lies
And what has become of the honesty I knew?
I can’t say I know you anymore

And you cry to your parents
You cry to your friends
You cry to your lovers
And you keep pretending that

Chorus:
Love is your birthright
And everyone should bow down and pray
He owes you a lifeline
She owes you her firstborn
You show me my faults
The world is your pillow
I show you a mirror
But you can’t understand
Your reflection is blinding
You can’t see the mask

I’ve seen you at a distance
Your endless lines of followers
How is it that you could have fooled them all?
And what has become of the little child I knew?
I can’t say I know you anymore

And you cry to your parents
You cry to your friends
You cry to your lovers
And you keep pretending that

Chorus

And you lie to your parents
You lie to your friends
You lie to your lovers
And you keep pretending that

Chorus

And what has become of the little child I knew?

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